I Wanna Get Better
by Rache456
Summary: A combination of both Kurt and Blaine angst. Both Blaine and Kurt have been dealing with serious illness for quite some time, although their sicknesses take different forms. When Blaine has to transfer to McKinley High, him and Kurt form a strange bond as they both fight to restore a sense of normality to their lives.
1. Chapter 1

So hello! I don't really know how to begin this, because honestly I'm not sure how many people read Glee fan fiction anymore (hopefully a few), so I'll just jump right in! Basically I've had this plot for a while, and recently I finished reading One in Four by swinggirlatheart, and while it was wonderful and I loved it, I just could not handle that ending. Plus it inspired me to finally put this down on paper, even if no one reads it! So as a quick preface, the italics are the past, and normal font is present. I'll probably have one "past" section per chapter, just to fill in, and if all goes well, I have a few spin-offs planned. But yeah, if you read this, please enjoy, and don't hesitate to send me any comments, criticism is always welcome! I tried to do a good amount of research, but I definitely could've messed up, so just lemme know! (Also I am one of the world's worst spellers, and sometimes I mess up so bad Word doesn't even know what I'm saying, so I apologize in advance for that).

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><p><em>Blaine groaned, curling in a little further on himself. He was exhausted, his whole body ached, and he was starting to feel another wave of nausea coming. Glancing over at his phone, he fought the urge to call his sister, his brother, Wes, anyone really, reminding himself that they had lives that didn't involve comforting him. Feeling nausea sweep over him, Blaine grabbed the nearest trashcan and pulled it up to the edge of the couch; better safe than sorry. Not fully ready to lie on his incredibly tender back, he rolled onto his stomach, and decided it was time for a nap. Right as he began to drift off he heard quick footsteps in his room. Expecting a nurse, he looked up, but was instead greeted by an unfamiliar boy. <em>

_ Slightly confused but really too tired to care, Blaine attempted to recognize this stranger. He was about average height, very thin, had a shaved head, and looked inexplicably nervous. Looking to meet his eyes, the boy flinched, holding a finger to his mouth as to make a "sh" sign. In a high whisper, the boy muttered "quiet, they can't find me."_

_ If he wasn't confused before, Blaine sure as hell was now. He opened his mouth to ask why in the world this boy was in his room, and immediately regretted it. His stomach chose that very moment to rebel, and before he knew it he was puking up his last meal. _

_ And that's when it began._

_ The strange boy was screaming, actually screaming, at the top of his lungs. He had pressed himself into a ball, somehow making himself looking even more tiny and vulnerable than before. He had his hands pressed tightly over his ears, and Blaine found himself wishing he could do the same. As if he didn't already have the world's worst headache. It took about 40 seconds of this ungodly screaming before Blaine's room was infiltrated by nurses, three of whom pulled the boy up, wrapping him tightly in their grasp, one of whom inserted a long needle into the boy's arm, and another who seemed to actually care how Blaine was dealing with this. Blaine watched in captivated shock as the boy slowing stopped kicking and screaming, and went limp in the nurse's arms. The four nurses gently placed the boy in a wheelchair, pushing the now comatose kid out of the room. _

_ "Hey, hey you okay Blainers?" Blaine snapped out of his thoughts, remembering there was a fifth nurse attending to him. "Um…yeah I think so…" he replied, still entirely baffled by what he just saw. The nurse smiled sympathically, gently patting his shoulder._

_ "Don't worry about him," she said softly, "He escapes his ward from time to time. Your puking might have just saved a few nurses their skins!" She said this in a light, joking manner, but Blaine was stuck on the word "escapes." _

_ "Would you like me to call your mom?" she said, breaking Blaine out of his head again. Blaine gently shook his head, not trusting his stomach enough to open his mouth. The nurse gave him yet another sympathic smile, nodding slightly before leaving the room. _

_ Blaine readjusted again, trying to make sense of what he just saw. After about five minutes of wondering, he decided it wasn't worth it, and instead opted to finish that nap he was so looking forward to._

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><p>"Kurt! Kurt! <strong>Kurt! KURT!<strong>" Burt sighed, rubbing a hand through his non-existent hair. It was only 7 am and it was already not a good day. Grimacing, he turned to his stepson, who seemed to be entirely engrossed in his plate of Carole's famous pancakes. "Finn, can you go grab him?" Burt asked, a twinge of apology in his voice, "I need to lay out his meds and breakfast, because God knows he won't." Finn quickly nodded, unable to talk due to a full mouth. Shoving back his chair, he quickly darted over to the basement, uncerimounisly slamming the door behind him. Burt turned around, on high alert for yelling, while he carefully laid out a clean bowl, unopened cereal box, and a small cup with a miniature rainbow of pills. Observing to be sure there was nothing out that could be dangerous in case of a fit; Burt finally sat down next to his wife. Carole smiled gently, kissing him lightly on the cheek. "I'm sure he just slept in sweetie." Burt nodded tensely; they both knew that wasn't true.

After what felt like forever, but was actually only about three minutes, Finn returned, a sullen Kurt behind him. A twinge went through Burt's chest when he saw his son, though he had come to expect nothing different. Kurt was wearing a gray shirt that should fit him, but hung dangerously loosely on his too-small frame. His hair was disheveled, and his jeans had a stain from when he spilled chocolate milk yesterday. The bags under his eyes let Burt know his son probably hadn't slept much last night, which didn't surprise him in the least considering how poorly off his son was these days. Burt cleared his throat, deciding to at least take a crack at normality.

"So how'd you sleep last night Kurt?" Kurt tensed at being talked to, and muttered something under his breath quickly. Burt sighed, trying again. "Kurt you know the doctor said you have to speak up, no one can understand you when you mumble."

"I said I didn't. December didn't want to sleep, and it wasn't safe. Everyone was awake last night, they all were." Burt nodded his head. He expected as much. Kurt sat down next to him, scooting a tad closer, and looked with disdain at his pills. "I'm not taking those," he finally said. He stood up and grabbed himself another bowl and spoon, cleaning them before sitting back down and pouring a calculated amount of cereal. Burt gently grabbed the bowl he had laid out, and placed his hand on Kurt's shoulder. "Kurt yes you are. Dr. Tesle wouldn't be…"

"NO DR. TESLE," Kurt screamed, taking Finn by surprise, "I don't trust him he's one of them I'M NOT TAKING THEM." Kurt shoved the pills out of Burt's hand, and kicked them to the side. Burt sighed, knowing he was all too used to this.

"Kurt, watch your mouth or you'll be in real trouble. Now, you either take the pills or you go spend the day with Trent until you do." Burt watched as Kurt tensed, debating whether taking the meds was worth getting out of spending another full day with his sit-in nurse, or as Burt said, "Adult babysitter." Finally giving in, Kurt poured the medication into his mouth, lifting up his tongue to prove he wasn't hiding any. Satisfied, Burt clapped his son on the back. "There you go kiddo. Now Finn, you ready? Yes? Good, off to school kids." Finn jumped out of his chair, running to claim shotgun. Burt waited for Kurt to stand, then grabbed his backpack (the kid needed all the help he could get), quickly shoved a clean pair of sweats in, texted Trent to let him know Kurt would need to change, all while trying to make his son's hair look somewhat combed. With a quick peck on Carole's cheek, he pulled his son out the door, praying today would go okay.

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><p>"And don't forget you can call me as soon as you start to feel bad. If you start to feel bad that is, not saying you will, BUT if you do the second you do please-"<p>

"Mom!" Blaine said, started to get a tad stressed after listening to her repeat the same phrase for the past hour. "I'll be fine-but," he added, seeing the worried look on her face, "IF, and only if, I don't, I'll be sure to let you know." Blaine leaned in, gently kissing his mom's forehead. "Please though, don't wait around by the phone all day. Go out and do something, get some coffee, live your life as if you didn't have kids." Mrs. Anderson gently laughed, Blaine knew her too well. She nodded slightly, wrapping him again in another hug. "Your sister is already there for her placement test, she'll keep an eye on you." Blaine nodded, feeling a tad nervous. Today marked his first day back in public school since his…incident and his first attempt at a full day since forever. His mom finally left his room, allowing his to finish getting ready in peace.

Blaine looked in the mirror, running his hand over his nearly bald head. It had been about three weeks since his last (hopefully) chemotherapy session, and even though a soft fuzz was covering his head, it wasn't nearly what it used to be. Today was going to be a hat kind of day. Pulling on his favorite beanie, Blaine took the chance to make sure his outfit was working. Although his clothes still didn't fit due to the weight loss treatment had caused, he thought he made it work, and with a sense of pride felt like his weight gain plan was working. He tightened his belt and retied his shoes, getting to a point of nervous fidgeting. He had heard too many stories of kids who, after chemo, couldn't succeed in school. His memory was a mess as it was, and he internally dreaded know he would have to fight through his "brain fog" for hours at school now. Actually, if he was being honest, everything about this new school scared him. Not having Wes and David and the other Warblers scared him, the prospect of not succeeding scared him, and the chance that someone might take his hat off scared him. Glancing at the clock, Blaine sighed with relief when he realized it was finally time to go. Wincing slightly as he slung his backpack on, hitting his still very sensitive back (thanks radiation); he put on his "everything is fine Mom" face as he headed downstairs. Time to get this over with.

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><p>So that was the first chapter! Hopefully you like it, and I'll be post again very soon for a while! Once I run out of my pre-written chapters I'll start posting on-maybe- weekends, but you won't have to worry about that for a while.<p>

Over and out-Rachel


	2. Chapter 2

Back at it! Shout out to anyone still reading! Just for this chapter (actually probably for most from here on out), the bold is the voices. In case you haven't guessed, Kurt in this story suffers from Schizophrenia. I attempt to base his voices and delusions off of actual reports from actual sufferers, so hopefully this is accurate.

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><p>Kurt gripped his bag tighter as he walked through the halls. Today was not his day. December and him hadn't slept at all last night due to the fact that the society was awake and out there, and it just wasn't safe. Then this morning he had been cornered into taking those pills to avoid seeing Trent. Kurt grimaced; just the thought of having to spend the day with that spy chilled his blood. Kurt knew his poor dad was oblivious as to what was going on, but he couldn't help but be incredibly mad on days like this. His dad needed to open his eyes, nothing was safe.<p>

Kurt picked up his pace as he walked past Dave, not in the mood to deal with that. The voices were mad that he had taken the pills, and if he didn't get to a bathroom soon he was likely to explode. Ducking into the men's room that, from experience, he had learned was nicely hidden in a secluded corner, he was greeted by Tommy. Great.

"The fuck do you think you're doing?" Tommy snarled, smirking slightly. "You better have brought a knife to cut those worthless wrists you little bitch." Kurt swallowed. Out of all the people, Tommy was the meanest he could see. The voices could be meaner, but the fact that he couldn't visualize them almost made it better. Kurt nodded, rummaging through his bag. "**I killed my mother I killed my mother I killed my mother…**" Kurt shook his head, trying to get _that_ voice out. It was the most persistent, having existed since Kurt's mother actually died. It didn't let up, and after about a minute of searching, Kurt realized he had nothing that could cause any damage to his arms. Damn his father's constant searches. Fear ran through Kurt's blood, and unable to look at Tommy again, he ran from the bathroom. He saw December standing in his first class, and he gladly ran to her side. Sitting down next to her, he buried his head in his hands, trying to drown out the mutter of the voice.

"**I killed my mother I killed my mother I killed my mother…"**

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><p>Blaine took in a deep breath as he walking into his first class. He had purposely arrived ten minutes early due to the fact that he had to give each and every one of his teacher a note explaining his cancer, what the side effects are, and what special allowances he needs because of it. As if they didn't already know. He had gotten at least three sympathy looks from teacher this morning just walking through the halls, one going as far to tell him how proud they were that he was here. Add that to the fact that both his mom and sister had already texted him three times each asking if he felt okay or how people were treating him and it was safe to say that Blaine was already stressing out pretty hard.<p>

Regardless of that, he was quite shocked to see someone else had beaten him to class, although this kid seemed to be having a worse day than him. Whoever he was, he had curled his arms around his head, and seemed to be, very faintly, mumbling to himself. Blaine was overcome by sympathy. He'd definitely been there. Shaking his head, he walked over to who he hoped was the teacher, ready to give his "I had chemo so my brain is weird" spill.

"Um hello?" The man's head jerked up, and he broke into a smile. "Ahh, you must be Blaine!" The man stood up, extending a hand. "I'm Mr. Shuester, but most people just call me Mr. Shu. Whatever makes you comfortable!" Blaine tried to smile. It was going to be hard to be comfortable around someone that cheery. He swallowed and handed over the note.

"So um, I'm actually just coming back to full time school after receiving chemotherapy and radiation for Medulloblastoma," and there were the sympathy eyes. Blaine pushed forward. "Basically you can read that but it just says that my brain is still kinda foggy from the treatment, and there's a chance I may need to leave class at unorthodox times due to headache or extreme fatigue, and there's also a chance I won't learn as fast or as well," wow this actually kinda hurt to say. Maybe he should have taken his sister's advice and rehearsed. "But I mean with this being my first class I feel like it should be good but I apologize in advance-" "I'm gonna stop you right there Blaine," Mr. Shu looked Blaine in the eyes, and grabbed his shoulder firmly. "You don't have to apologize for doing anything. You do what you need to do." Blaine nodded, suddenly really uncomfortable. He tried to smile, but Mr. Shu's hand was gripping his shoulder way too tight, especially since that area was his radiation spot. "Um…thanks."

Mr. Shu smiled, seeming to be very proud of his speech. He placed the note on his desk and clapped his hands, the smile back on his face. "Well! Kids should be arriving any minute. I know you're used to private school, but I will warn you that in public school, kids tend to arrive late to their first class." Blaine suppressed a laugh. He always enjoyed hearing what people assumed went on in Dalton Academy. He knew for a fact 95% of those boys would never dream on being on time for their first class.

"But," Mr. Shu continued, "this is a pretty full class, and I think your best bet is to sit over by Kurt. Conveniently, he's arrived early for you!" Blaine frowned, that last bit sounded almost forced. Looking back at his teacher, there was a shadow of worry that covered his face, and Blaine suddenly felt a tad scared as to why this Kurt kid was able to take the smile off this man's face. "And finally, I've been told you were on the warblers at your old school, and I'm not saying you have to, BUT, if that would be something you were interested in, I also lead this school's Glee club! You'll meet a lot of the kids in this class actually; they all want to take Spanish with me!" He grinned proudly, though Blaine assumed that meant this class was probably fairly easy. "But anyways, if you're interested, we have practice every day after school, except for some Friday's, and we'd love to have you! Maybe if you're nice, Kurt will tell you about it." And with that and another _lovely_ shoulder squeeze, Mr. Shu had turned around, and was intensely studying Blaine's note. Blaine took a moment to re-calm his nerves, and slowly walked over to the desk next to Kurt. At this point people were slowly filling in; most of them looking like zombies. Blaine pulled out his new school supplies (yay), and turned to Kurt, who had finally revealed his face. Blaine had to admit, he was really cute, but he quickly stuffed that thought back down. He swore no more crushes on straight guys.

"Hi, I'm Blaine, I'm new here," Blaine stuck out his hand, hoping Kurt would take it. Kurt stared at him, and Blaine thought to himself that Kurt looked deader than any of these other kids. The boy's skin was oddly pale, his eyes were surrounded by huge black circles, and his eyes themselves were bloodshot. Blaine wouldn't be surprised if this kid actually was a zombie. He felt a hand in his, and was yanked out of his thoughts to realize Kurt had finally accepted his handshake. Blaine shook back, trying not to think about how incredibly soft Kurt's skin was. "So Mr. Shu told me you were in Glee Club?"

Kurt's eyes narrowed and a look of distrust came across his face. Was that a bad thing to say? "Yes I am," he replied, almost harshly, "What else did he tell you?" Blaine was silent, not sure how to respond to that. Kurt seemed to get the message, because he leaned back in his chair. "Don't tell him anything secret," Kurt said, after a moment of a tense silence. "He works for the society you know; he's a direct line to them. You can't trust most of these people here. He and Trent are the worst, but I'd just be careful all around if I were you." He paused, looking Blaine over. Blaine tried to hide his look of shock, but failed utterly. What was happening? "December says you're safe, so I'm going to trust you." And with that Kurt nodded sharply, swiveling back into his chair to face Mr. Shu, who was now lecturing. Blaine slowly turned around, grateful that he had already taken five years of Spanish so that he wouldn't have to deal with mental fog right now. He spent the rest of the class wondering what in the world he had gotten himself into.

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><p>Trent sighed as Kurt finally walked into his office. His dad was right; he looked like he was falling apart. His hair was a mess and his jeans weren't even clean. Opening up Kurt's bag, he pulled out the clean gray sweats, something healthy Kurt would never dream of wearing, and handed them to him. Luckily, Kurt got the message, and headed into the other room to change, leaving Trent with his thoughts. This wasn't abnormal for someone with schizophrenia, not at all. Forgetting, or losing the ability, to take care of oneself is one of the diseases awful hallmarks. But knowing that doesn't make it less painful, especially since he had the pleasure of seeing healthy Kurt only a few months ago. He wanted to know when it got this bad, when "I'm sick but controlled," turned in to this. People often asked if he regretted saying he would work with Kurt. Mainly Kurt's friends and family, people who knew, but it still stung a little every time. Mostly because he wonders that himself. If he had known just how bad this would get, would he have taken this job? He likes to think yes, but other times he just doesn't know.<p>

Kurt walked back in and shoved the dirty jeans back in his bag, plopping himself down into the armchair in Trent's school office. It's not the world's nicest office, it was actually made to be a janitor closet, but when it because clear Kurt was going to need more school assistance than Emma was able to provide, the school made a small adjustment, and allowed Trent to have a second office in the school where he could stay and make sure Kurt was safe. And it worked fairly well.

"Kurt how's today been going?" Kurt grimaced. Trent wasn't surprised, sick Kurt hated him. "What class are you missing?"

"Calculus. Nothing that requires me to be present." Usually Trent would scoff at a statement like this, but over time he's come to learn that Kurt is actually incredibly gifted at math. "I don't like that class anyways. I don't like any of these classes."

"I know that Kurt," Trent gently replied, "But I've noticed your grades are slipping, and you seem to be spending more time in my office than usual. And we both know you hate that." Trent let out a chuckle, but stopped once he realized Kurt wasn't going to laugh along. Kurt was glaring at him, his eyes boring holes.

"This school isn't worth my effort. Nothing is. And for your information this goddamn office in the one place in this school where it's QUIET!" Kurt was getting increasing flustered, and Trent knew if he didn't take control of this now it would get far too out of hand. "Okay Kurt, let's take some deep breaths. Have you taken your lithium yet?"

Well that was the wrong question. Kurt tensed up big time and with one final glare, grabbed his bags and left the room. Trent waited ten seconds before following him from a distance. Something told him Kurt was going to need his help today.

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><p>Blaine wasn't going to make it. School was only slightly past halfway over and he would barely walk. The doctors had warned him that the side effects of the treatment would stick around, some for a few weeks, some for a year, some forever, but he had ignored them, choosing to cross that bridge when he was actually out of treatment. Well, now he was on the bridge, and it was on the verge of collapse. His legs felt heavy and his entire body was aching. His eyes threatened to close even as he was walking, and he doubted if he would make it to the nurse's office before his pitiful body collapsed in an exhausted heap. All day kids had complained about how tired they were, and while he didn't doubt they could all use a nap, he knew they had never experience true fatigue. He stumbled over his left foot as his feet began to shuffle instead of lift. "Almost there, almost there," he repeated under his breath. He was beginning to regret not calling his mom.<p>

Finally he reached the nurse's office, and thanked the Lord that she wasn't one of those school nurse's that required him to sign in, or even say anything. She just gave him a quick smile, before returning to her current patient, who Blaine assumed was probably just trying to skip. Blaine collapsed onto the fold-out cot, burying his face into the rock-hard pillow. This felt like heaven. Blaine heard the nurse say something along the lines of "you're fine Thomas, go back to class," before the world was gone.

Blaine stuttered awake, feeling slightly better, but only slightly. His body still ached, and he felt like he could sleep for a year. He gently placed himself onto his other side, and opened his eyes to see, a not-so-happy, man screaming at the school principle.

"This is crap! I send my son to this school, and I pay for his nurse to come in and take care of him when need be, and I keep him out when I don't feel like he's in a good place to come, and this, this is how you repay me?" Blaine instinctively scooted back into the wall. The man was tall, bald, and with a slight belly. But the scariest part was the pure rage that he seemed to be letting off, and the fact that he was only about a meter away from Blaine himself. Blaine rubbed his eyes, mildly annoyed and confused as to why the school principle was in the nurse's office.

"Mr. Hummel we've had too many people complain, and I feel like it's time for Kurt to step up and start taking control of his own-"

"Look, I don't think you realize what you're getting yourself into when you tell me that Trent can't come to this school anymore to help Kurt, but I sure as hell hope _you're_ ready to get him to take his lithium and calm him down during a fit!" The man slammed his hand on the table, causing the principle to jump back, knocking over a stand of small paper cups. Blaine perked up. He knew Kurt, and Kurt had told him about Trent, but this man made it sound like Trent was doing something good. He was…helping Kurt?

And why was Kurt taking lithium?

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><p>Well, there's chapter 2, a tad longer, but hopefully not too long! Hope you enjoyed it; chapter three is Glee club tryouts and such!<p>

Peace-Rach.


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